I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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