did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
