Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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