I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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