the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
