she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
