HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
