theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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