Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Im part way to drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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