I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
