My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
