I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize