Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
