I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
