walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize