it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
