If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
