I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
