you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
