how can u be prego again
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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