Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
