there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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