Just fell off a train. Bad.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
be right there i have to get my cape
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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