She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
