The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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