what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
