everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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