Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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