He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I understand Curling. That high.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
