well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
