i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
