Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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