oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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