I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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