If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
