Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
