Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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