she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
