at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
