I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
