Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
