We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
