Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
