I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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