So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize