just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
