you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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