I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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