that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
