hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So squirting runs in the family.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
