i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can you bring me the toilet please
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
