all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
