hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
