ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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