thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
