I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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