Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
