I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
