i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Randomize
