oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
