I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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