all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
