Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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