I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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