your room smells of hookers.
And success
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
