If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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