I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
