Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
