woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
