I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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