what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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